Today, I typed "I'm not pregnant, I'm fat!" into Google. I found an essay by Lucy Cavendish, the author of the book "Lost and Found," explaining her trials and travails with people who think it's ok to inquire about the state of one's midsection.
One thing I've noticed about most people's stories pertaining to being mistaken for being pregnant is they all have had children, and they're working off the post baby weight. I don't have that excuse. I don't know why my fat has decided to live mostly around my belly button, save my sedentary habits and my food choices, like cheeseburgers, hot wings and chili con queso. I am certain I have never been pregnant. So it's doubly humiliating when people ask me about my stomach.
My gentleman friend said it actually made him pretty angry for that woman to ask. After all, we were at the business to order tuxes for our wedding. He said it made him feel like she thought we were having a shotgun wedding.
Tonight, after reading Cavendish's essay, I felt enough self-loathing to throw my body around to a workout tape for half an hour. I bought a hip hop dance workout tape on a whim once, and it has sat unused among my DVDs for at least a year now. Jamie King's Rock Your Body workout DVD is the kind of humiliation one suffers, hopefully, behind closed curtains while no one else is home. What I can say is that it did elevate my heartbeat and cause a few beads of sweat to drip from my furrowed brow. I definitely am not going to be a hip hop dancer any time soon, but I hope I made enough derp-y faces and danced around frenetically enough to make the spirit of Liz Lemon proud.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
When are you due?
Dear older women who work retail,
Just because I am fat, happy and with a man, does not mean I am pregnant! Just as a rule, unless a woman brings up her pregnancy first, DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
What if I had just had a miscarriage? What if I had had a baby a year ago and still had the baby weight? What if I was getting ready to have an abortion, or just did? What if I was unable to have children, but desperately wanted to?
Why is my reproductive status any of your fucking business? We were getting tuxes set up for our marriage, isn't that enough fodder for small talk? As a bigger woman, wouldn't you understand that being mistaken for being pregnant is a little embarrassing?
I don't see how asking about a woman's possible pregnancy is ever a good idea. It provides way more opportunities for being wrong and being offensive than being correct. Plus, the aforementioned fact that it's none of your goddamn business. When do people ever comment about men's bodies that way? "Oh, I see you are fat about the middle!"
I'm calling and complaining tomorrow to her manager. It's just not appropriate for people to assume things like that.
Just because I am fat, happy and with a man, does not mean I am pregnant! Just as a rule, unless a woman brings up her pregnancy first, DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
What if I had just had a miscarriage? What if I had had a baby a year ago and still had the baby weight? What if I was getting ready to have an abortion, or just did? What if I was unable to have children, but desperately wanted to?
Why is my reproductive status any of your fucking business? We were getting tuxes set up for our marriage, isn't that enough fodder for small talk? As a bigger woman, wouldn't you understand that being mistaken for being pregnant is a little embarrassing?
I don't see how asking about a woman's possible pregnancy is ever a good idea. It provides way more opportunities for being wrong and being offensive than being correct. Plus, the aforementioned fact that it's none of your goddamn business. When do people ever comment about men's bodies that way? "Oh, I see you are fat about the middle!"
I'm calling and complaining tomorrow to her manager. It's just not appropriate for people to assume things like that.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Year
Happy new year, everyone! I'm so far off the wagon that I can't even see its dust.
I got a new phone for Christmas, but I also started paying my own phone bill, so I can't really afford the gym bill anymore. I've decided I'm going to run outside. I live in a nice, residential neighborhood. I want to make it happen.
I always fall off the wagon, whether it's diet, exercise or any kind of regimen, during the holidays. My schedule gets all out of whack, I'm out-of-state, I have a million excuses and a full belly most of the time, so I find it beyond simple to just sigh and write off whatever I'm needing to do.
I found out yesterday that my brother, who is in the Army and on leave right now, is going to be visiting my house. I'm excited, because I haven't seen him or his three kids for at least two years. The downside is that my brother, his wife, his three kids, my mom, my stepdad, my youngest nephew, and possibly my stepsister and her boyfriend are all going to be staying at my house for at least one night.
Eight to ten people. As many as ten people, four of them very young people, will be attempting to sleep in my house.
My gentleman friend and I somewhat fondly describe our rental house as a tin can wrapped in swiss cheese. We're not even completely unpacked. Our house is drafty, dusty and I haven't even hung up pictures or what have you yet. I spent most of today cleaning, doing laundry, breaking down boxes, and looking around the house in despair. I have no idea where all these people are going to sleep. We decided we're going to make a giant pot of taco soup to feed everyone, but we have just one bed, a loveseat, three chairs and a queen-sized air mattress. My mom, whose idea this all was, says with a dismissive air that she can just sleep on the floor. I'm shaking my head, but I don't know what else we can do, save buying a bunch of air mattresses, and we can't afford to do that.
So you can see why, with the holidays and each new disaster - I mean challenge - that comes our way, I find it somewhat difficult to find time to go run.
I got a new phone for Christmas, but I also started paying my own phone bill, so I can't really afford the gym bill anymore. I've decided I'm going to run outside. I live in a nice, residential neighborhood. I want to make it happen.
I always fall off the wagon, whether it's diet, exercise or any kind of regimen, during the holidays. My schedule gets all out of whack, I'm out-of-state, I have a million excuses and a full belly most of the time, so I find it beyond simple to just sigh and write off whatever I'm needing to do.
I found out yesterday that my brother, who is in the Army and on leave right now, is going to be visiting my house. I'm excited, because I haven't seen him or his three kids for at least two years. The downside is that my brother, his wife, his three kids, my mom, my stepdad, my youngest nephew, and possibly my stepsister and her boyfriend are all going to be staying at my house for at least one night.
Eight to ten people. As many as ten people, four of them very young people, will be attempting to sleep in my house.
My gentleman friend and I somewhat fondly describe our rental house as a tin can wrapped in swiss cheese. We're not even completely unpacked. Our house is drafty, dusty and I haven't even hung up pictures or what have you yet. I spent most of today cleaning, doing laundry, breaking down boxes, and looking around the house in despair. I have no idea where all these people are going to sleep. We decided we're going to make a giant pot of taco soup to feed everyone, but we have just one bed, a loveseat, three chairs and a queen-sized air mattress. My mom, whose idea this all was, says with a dismissive air that she can just sleep on the floor. I'm shaking my head, but I don't know what else we can do, save buying a bunch of air mattresses, and we can't afford to do that.
So you can see why, with the holidays and each new disaster - I mean challenge - that comes our way, I find it somewhat difficult to find time to go run.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Hooray!
I'm back on the wagon, y'all! I made myself get a good night's sleep and went to the local Y after I dropped my gentleman friend off at work. Their treadmills are like stretch Hummer limos compared to the Nova I was running on at the apartment complex gym. It makes me wonder if some of the knee/calf pain I was getting into was because of the treadmill and not so much because I'm an obeast.
I did Week 3, Day 1 of the Couch-to5K plan, and it was not bad. I like this plan, because it lets me have little self-esteem boosts once a week. "I can run for three minutes straight! Yay!"
Anyway, I'll try to keep you better updated on my progress now that I again have internet and treadmill access.
I did Week 3, Day 1 of the Couch-to5K plan, and it was not bad. I like this plan, because it lets me have little self-esteem boosts once a week. "I can run for three minutes straight! Yay!"
Anyway, I'll try to keep you better updated on my progress now that I again have internet and treadmill access.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
New
I don't know how to say this without being a little melodramatic, so here it goes: I've had another setback.
A week ago, we began moving into our new house. My dad used his truck to move all our large items so we wouldn't need a moving truck. We thought we were really ahead of the curve until we actually started to move all our small items.
Each time we arrived back at the apartment, a little more haggard and harried, we assured ourselves that surely, this was the last trip. It took us pretty much 48 hours straight to move. It was, and I don't feel I'm exaggerating here, the worst thing ever.
So here we are, in a house! It has a dishwasher, and a washer and dryer, and vents that have probably never been cleaned. There were also, until very recently, mice living in the oven.
Long story short, my running schedule is destroyed. I no longer have the privilege of proximity to a mostly free treadmill. I'm also dealing poorly with adapting to my new schedule, which involves taking my fiance to his new job at 6:30 a.m. and picking him up at 3 p.m. each day until his car gets out of the shop.
I don't want to give up on this, because I was making progress. I think I'm going to give myself one more week to get adapted to the new house and schedule, and then I will start back up with the plan. I might try to run this week, just not on the plan guidelines.
I'm disappointed, but there was just no way I was going to be able to run last week. It was a total disaster.
A week ago, we began moving into our new house. My dad used his truck to move all our large items so we wouldn't need a moving truck. We thought we were really ahead of the curve until we actually started to move all our small items.
Each time we arrived back at the apartment, a little more haggard and harried, we assured ourselves that surely, this was the last trip. It took us pretty much 48 hours straight to move. It was, and I don't feel I'm exaggerating here, the worst thing ever.
So here we are, in a house! It has a dishwasher, and a washer and dryer, and vents that have probably never been cleaned. There were also, until very recently, mice living in the oven.
Long story short, my running schedule is destroyed. I no longer have the privilege of proximity to a mostly free treadmill. I'm also dealing poorly with adapting to my new schedule, which involves taking my fiance to his new job at 6:30 a.m. and picking him up at 3 p.m. each day until his car gets out of the shop.
I don't want to give up on this, because I was making progress. I think I'm going to give myself one more week to get adapted to the new house and schedule, and then I will start back up with the plan. I might try to run this week, just not on the plan guidelines.
I'm disappointed, but there was just no way I was going to be able to run last week. It was a total disaster.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
A quick update
I was able to finagle an excellent rate on a moving van so I could justify getting new running shoes. They're shiny and beautiful, the new-and-improved version of my old shoes.
I walked for 25 minutes Friday instead of running, just to give my body some time. I'm frustrated because I want to be making progress, but I know if I get hurt for real, I'll probably quit. I don't want to be completely inactive again. Knowing that I am doing something to keep myself healthy makes me feel proud of myself. I didn't expect it, but there you go.
I'm hoping to start over with week two of the plan tomorrow. My knees are feeling all right. I had a couple days where my shoulder didn't hurt, but last night it started hurting again. I'm making my bridesmaids' gifts for my wedding in July, and they require some detail work that makes me do a lot of looking down. I also stayed up unwisely late cooking chicken and noodles. It's the first time I made it, and I found in the middle of cooking it that I was going to need a larger stock pot, requiring a 3 a.m. trip to the grocery store. It was worth it, because it is so good.
I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. I haven't seen my extended family for some time, so I'm headed 4 hours away to visit everybody. My dad, his girlfriend and her kids invited me to run a 5k with them, but I don't think I'm ready. I really just want to have control of this, to work at my pace and not do anything before I'm ready.
I walked for 25 minutes Friday instead of running, just to give my body some time. I'm frustrated because I want to be making progress, but I know if I get hurt for real, I'll probably quit. I don't want to be completely inactive again. Knowing that I am doing something to keep myself healthy makes me feel proud of myself. I didn't expect it, but there you go.
I'm hoping to start over with week two of the plan tomorrow. My knees are feeling all right. I had a couple days where my shoulder didn't hurt, but last night it started hurting again. I'm making my bridesmaids' gifts for my wedding in July, and they require some detail work that makes me do a lot of looking down. I also stayed up unwisely late cooking chicken and noodles. It's the first time I made it, and I found in the middle of cooking it that I was going to need a larger stock pot, requiring a 3 a.m. trip to the grocery store. It was worth it, because it is so good.
I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. I haven't seen my extended family for some time, so I'm headed 4 hours away to visit everybody. My dad, his girlfriend and her kids invited me to run a 5k with them, but I don't think I'm ready. I really just want to have control of this, to work at my pace and not do anything before I'm ready.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Shit.
I'm having a setback.
My body, confronted with more than the absolute bare minimum of physical activity, has decided it is going to rebel.
My knees, which before have never caused me any sort of problems, in the past three days have been extremely painful. I consulted my Running Expert, and it seems I need new shoes.
I would have thought my barely-used three-year-old running shoes were fine, but upon closer examination they are somewhat worn. And much like Shakira's hips, my knees don't lie.
This is somewhat of a dilemma, as I have about -$2.65 in the bank until Friday. I am just going to have to walk the rest of the week and start over with week 2 next week.
I'm bummed, but I think holding off is better than getting seriously injured.
My body, confronted with more than the absolute bare minimum of physical activity, has decided it is going to rebel.
My knees, which before have never caused me any sort of problems, in the past three days have been extremely painful. I consulted my Running Expert, and it seems I need new shoes.
I would have thought my barely-used three-year-old running shoes were fine, but upon closer examination they are somewhat worn. And much like Shakira's hips, my knees don't lie.
This is somewhat of a dilemma, as I have about -$2.65 in the bank until Friday. I am just going to have to walk the rest of the week and start over with week 2 next week.
I'm bummed, but I think holding off is better than getting seriously injured.
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